Brief Sexual Abuse Story

         I am the youngest of three kids and have two older brothers. I thought my family was the ideal family for the longest time. It’s so odd to me now that I could have actually thought that. Now I realize that my family and their ideas are simply twisted. There are two main ways how my family is messed up.

        First of all, I was sexually abused by both of my brothers. I am blank on details still but, I know for sure that I was forced to perform oral sex on my oldest brother on multiple occasions. As for my other brother, he made me watch him masturbate one time that I recall.  I always had a terrible feeling about this and told both of my brothers that I didn’t want to be involved in this but, somehow I kept being lured in… I don’t know why I was never able to tell anyone about what was going on  because my mom told me on multiple occasions to tell her if anyone ever touched me inappropriately. I guess maybe it was because I felt like I would be blamed for what happened or maybe I didn’t say anything because I felt so disgusting. Or maybe it was a combination of multiple reasons. 

          Secondly, my family thought that it was okay to sweep this under the rug and keep it hush hush when I finally did bring it up after my daughter was born almost five years ago. I feel as if the only reason my brothers told me sorry was because my parents told them to. And, as if a forced sorry was going to fix all the problems I had because of what they had done to me.

           An incident happened recently in my life that made me feel as if I was re-victimized and this is when I finally decided to tell my husband about what happened to me as a child. At that point he was the only person outside of my family that knew about what happened. He made me realize just how bad my situation really was.

          Unfortunately, my abuse is not the only one that has happened in my family. My dad has 7 siblings and of those, every family except for one that I know of has had some type of incest abuse occur. I was not aware of this epidemic until I finally told my husband and started doing a little digging. 

          This is hard to fathom; that people know about what is happening and think that it is just part of life and do absolutely nothing to stop these sick events from happening.

           I wonder why I was able to see that something was wrong with the way I was raised and no one else seems to…..

 

 

         

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