I had the day off today. This morning, my mom calls. I don’t answer. How awful is that? I didn’t want my entire day to be ruined by what she could possibly say…. I figured I would call her back later this evening to see what she wanted. On the way to my dental appointment she called again, so I answered. Turns out, she wanted to see what our plans were for Christmas. Sounds nice right?
Unfortunately, not. I feel like she was trying to make me feel bad because she said, “It’s just so different not having the whole family together for the holidays.” Yeah, but who cares that I feel re-victimized whenever I have to be in the same room as my brothers’ and pretend that nothing ever happened. Obviously, no one seems to understand how it feels to have to pretend that everything is just fine when it is…. just not.
I feel like they think that I should be over ‘it’. ‘It’ being all the mental and emotional abuse and weird feelings towards my family caused by my brothers’ sexually abusing me. It’s not something that you just get over. It’s trauma and it takes time. Healing definitely isn’t going to happen by getting me in the same room as the people who abused me. My family talks about helping me get over this but then they never follow through with what they say.