It is shocking to me that I have no recollection of some events in my life yet other people do…. I want to remember events relating to my sexual abuse story such as, did I speak up for myself, but I just can’t. A few days after Christmas I decided to write my parents a letter letting them know how I am currently feeling due to my brothers sexually abusing me and forcing me to do things that I was not comfortable with.
When my parents called me to talk about this, I found something out that I have no memory of. Apparently, I told my mom that my oldest brother tried touching me inappropriately!!! I am glad that I tried to say something because, like I said I have no memory of telling my mom that. I’m not sure how old I was when this happened or when I was being sexually abused by my brothers but I would assume that me telling my mom this was prior to anything further happening between my oldest brother and I.
This made a couple of things click when my mom told me this. It really irritates me though that apparently my mom at least knew that my oldest brother tried touching me inappropriately…. There could’ve been something done to prevent anything further from happening but nothing was done to protect me from anything further happening. This is why I have no trust in people because I told someone and they chose not to do anything about it. This is probably why I have such a hard time telling people how I truly feel. Because the one time I tell an adult something pertinent that I need help with they did nothing to protect me.
Finding this out made me weary of trusting my parents fully, not that I did before but…. They did agree to pay for my counseling for the next 4 months. Which in my opinion, is the least they can do. Especially since I tried to tell my mom what was happening so long ago….
How much better would it have been if something had been done about the situation when I said something to my mom and the sexual abuse was prevented from happening? Our family would still be able to get together for holidays, everyone in the family wouldn’t be suffering and having hard feelings towards each other. Unfortunately, this is not the way it turned out though….