Today I was continuing to read this book called Healing from the Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse which was written by Karen A. Duncan. It is geared toward women that experienced childhood sexual abuse and it is packed full of important information. I found it at my local library but you can buy it from amazon if you click on the following link: Healing from the Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse book.
Anyways, I was reading the section about problems in adulthood related to childhood sexual abuse. I’m always in awe when I read another symptom that I have. One that really stood out to me was a physical response and said “Does not like to be touched in or near the face”. I always knew that it bothered me when people get in my face but I just thought it was something that I found irritating.
I read this to my husband thinking that he would find it interesting as well and maybe not do that to me anymore, because he is always putting his hands in my face, even though he knows that I find it bothersome. What makes me upset is that as soon as I read this to him he sticks his hands in my face and tells me, ‘that’s what’s gonna help you get over it.’ Sometimes I don’t think he understands that symptoms are not just something that you can ‘get over’, especially by doing the exact thing that is a physical response to TRAUMA!!!
Sometimes I wonder if anyone understands… I know that people who have been traumatized do understand but it’s like people who haven’t been sexually abused don’t even care to understand, my parents didn’t…. It just makes me want to go back to keeping quiet, even though I know that I don’t want to do that because I would rather not be on a deconstructive path again.
I guess it really just makes me mad that people, who know something is uncomfortable for you, do the exact thing that is distressing for you…..
Added: 1-29-16 Just so everyone is clear I am not trying to continue to be a victim. I strive every day to ‘get over’ what happened to me as a child. But before someone can get over a symptom they have to recognize where the problem stems from and then feel the feelings that come along with it. You cannot heal until you feel the feelings and you cannot heal overnight…..