Emotional Rollercoaster

 

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I always dread Mondays. Two days off work and have to go back to see what the weekend people messed up in those two days. You would be surprised how much can go wrong in a matter of two days. So I start off  by emptying the return bins going on my merry way. Until I get to the O.R. where I find a tray that was dated for the 5th, mind you I find this on the 8th. This means that that particular tray has been sitting, waiting to be returned to the pharmacy for AT LEAST 2 days. This means that at least 6 shifts went without any one of them going to check for trays. Doesn’t seem like such a big deal right?

I go back to the pharmacy and begin putting away some of the regular medications. There is a note in a particular medication bin to make more of something if you take the last bag. Easy enough right!? Apparently not! There were 2 syringes left. I think what made me the most mad about this was because this exact thing happened to me the previous Monday. No one made more when they took the last of the medication. 

I take these things to my boss and explain to him why I am upset. To me, it didn’t seem like he was getting what I was saying, which is upsetting to say the least. I stormed out of his office. I guess I never thought it was optional to do your job, but apparently where I work it is…

So, I go back upstairs to finish what I was doing… Find more problems….. Attempting to correct problems I go and ask my boss a question about something and he calls me into his office to talk. He asks me, “…. Is everything ok?” I go off, and tell him what I’m feeling. I probably came off a little rude.. These are problems that I have taken to him previously and obviously they were not corrected. I think it made me question if he was truly listening to my concerns. At this point I was shaking, voice and all, sweating, and crying. I’m sure I looked like a wreck….

This entire situation was very uncomfortable for me. Usually, I am cool, calm, and collected. But today, something struck a nerve. I was very glad that I had counseling after work…. 

At counseling, I describe my ‘meltdown’ I had at work. I love the way my counselor walks step-by-step through the entire situation. And, needless to say I didn’t have a meltdown, there was no lying on the floor in a puddle of tears, kicking my feet. I simply voiced my concerns about work problems to my boss. Yes, I may have been a little on the rude side in my presentation about it but, I did apologize afterwards.

It amazes me that voicing my opinion/concerns about something is so difficult for me. I definitely need to work on my presentation of voicing my opinion. Right now, it just comes out and I don’t prepare my emotions that go along with the words. It’s a learning process. For so long, my opinion didn’t matter and I kept my opinions and thoughts to myself. But, I now realize that my opinion and thoughts do matter. Just need to work on my presentation…..

Something about having so many problems on a Monday morning before 9 o’clock can set a person off though…. It was a little ridiculous that so many things are simply overlooked. My counselor also told me that it seemed that I had ‘Executive Functioning’  which is “… a set of processes that all have to do with managing oneself and one’s resources in order to achieve a goal. It is an umbrella term for the neurologically- based skills involving mental control and self-regulation.” I’ve been doing some research on it.

Anyways, I was definitely glad to be more relaxed once I left counseling, not so much on edge. Just by talking. I can’t believe that for so long, I thought that my thoughts and opinions didn’t matter… 

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