Well, today was the big day to prove myself. Turns out I’m dumb. When I got done with my test (PCAT), I was proud of myself that I had done better than what I had ever done overall. Unfortunately, it still wasn’t good enough though. I feel like such an idiot for what? For ever going to college, for ever thinking that I could be a successful professional. I should never have let anyone tell me that I was capable of doing more than what I knew I was capable of.
I hate that my husband is making jokes about me being an idiot in front of our daughter saying that he hopes that she didn’t inherit mommy’s smarts….. It’s not like I didn’t pass chemistry, calculus, physics or anything…. I’m so lost because this was my plan and now I don’t know what I’m going to do. I feel like my husband doesn’t love me. He doesn’t want anything to do with me that’s for sure. I don’t want to be in a marriage where my husband hates me. I have no one to go to…. to talk to, no one….. I’m so tired of feeling this way. I’ll never be accepted as good enough the way I am. I want to make lots of money so that we can afford to have more kids and go on vacations and I want to be successful in a career not just as a pharmacy technician for the rest of my life but I can’t seem to just pass a stupid test.