Why do I feel like such an idiot?!

10-life-lessons-from-the-simpsons-16-638Tonight I went to a Fellowship of Christian Pharmacists (FCP) meeting. Basically there were pharmacists there who came to talk about their profession as well as being a Christian. It’s amazing the joy and peace you can have when being around other people who have a relationship with God and know what an amazing being God really is. 

Well, the man that initially started the group was there and was talking about how he had a prodigal son and that he wished that we could all call our parents and just tell them how much we love them. He also talked about how we could come and talk with him afterwards if we had any parental issues because he would love to talk with us. So, I go to talk with him.

Clearly I have some, we’ll call them “issues” with my parents. So, I told him my situation and this is what he said, “Forgiveness is most important.”  Check, I knew that. But then, he said that just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean that you have to go back to trusting them. (It’s amazing that everything my husband knows and tells me. However, I can’t always process it when he tells me) I always have to hear it from someone else before I grasp it. BTW, why is that I wonder?

All this man wanted was for his son to call and tell him that he loved his dad. Yet it is so hard for me to call and tell my parents that I love them. I do love them, but it’s just so hard. As I sit and write this, I wish more than ever that I had parents that I could trust and lean on. That parent bond is so important yet, I feel like once it is ruined there is no fixing it, it’s broken… forever. I guess it’s just so hard to wrap my head around that. I can only imagine what kids go through losing a parent. Yet somehow, I feel like this might be worse than that because they’re still here but you can’t have a relationship with them. 

The entire time coming back to my room, I felt like an idiot, red faced and flushed, for going and talking to some stranger about my issues. To be quite honest though, maybe it was just what I needed to hear. I’m always concerned about my relationship with my parents. I just have to remind myself that I didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t me that ruined the relationship. 

I am so thankful for the things that were shared tonight proving that God is a very mighty God and while He may put you in situations that are uncomfortable and definitely not easy, He will be there every step along the way hoping for us to put every ounce of trust we have in Him.


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