The first lady of our country, Melania Trump says that “hard evidence” is required before victims should make “accusations of sexual misconduct”. I can see where she is coming from but, what she said makes it seem that unless proof is provided nothing happened. That may be the case when something gets taken to the authorities. Sometimes, even if you have proof doesn’t mean that authorities are going to do anything. It reminds me of what I was told as a child; “just keep quiet” but not in so many words.
Well I have something to say about that, sometimes proof isn’t always possible. Random acts are hard to be able to document much less provide evidence. What constitutes proof? I have proof from my counselor that I have post traumatic stress disorder because of what happened to me as a child. Is that proof enough? Just because I don’t know the exact dates and times that I was abused doesn’t mean that I wasn’t assaulted against my will. But people would probably tell me the same thing that they told Christine Blasey Ford just because I don’t recall each and every incident. I was unaware that I needed to have my brothers sign a paper with the location, date and what was being done for evidence. Apparently I should have because I didn’t have “proof” my relationship with my parents is ruined because I don’t think to this day they believe me. It shows because they pretend like I’m dead yet still have family gatherings with my brothers. It’s called blackouts where you shut out those memories and events for survival. It’s a good thing we have survival mechanisms because I think if I did have to remember every occasion when I was forced to touch my brothers or when he touched me I probably wouldn’t be here because of the mental stress it produces thinking about it. I wish I had less memories than what I do about those times, but it never leaves. I try not to think about it but it’s not something you canf control. Especially when social media and the news is saturated with the topic.
Sometimes there simply is no evidence but you know what? That DOES NOT mean that people don’t get assaulted or abused or molested. And even if there isn’t proof, they should tell their story. I know, holding that sort of stuff in is bad. It’s not good for your health-mental, physical, or emotional.
To assume that nothing happened because there is no evidence is total bullshit. I know what it feels like to NOT have evidence. It takes so much courage. I literally fought myself for AT LEAST two years after our daughter was born before I told my own husband what happened. You fear what people will think of you after you tell. You fear what relationships might be compromised. There are so many internal factors that I didn’t even realize I thought about. I think my parents think, because I don’t have proof that my brothers sexually abused me it didn’t happen. I guess people just don’t understand. But, what makes it worse is that they don’t try to understand either. They pretend like you should have control. But, it’s just like a job or death, you don’t have control. I only have memories about what happened, but that can’t be extracted, so it’s not proof.
Some people do have all the proof that is needed and what’s sad is that sometimes they don’t even get the justice they deserve. It’s like a never ending cycle; people not understanding where other people are coming from or what they have been through and just blaming or pointing fingers and simply not being understanding.
I’m not sure why the things people say affect me so much. I guess because the little person never matters; what they say, is never heard. I guess that’s the reason I like the idea of the blog because people worldwide have the potential to read what the little person has to say. The only thing that ever gets heard is what people with power have to say. People are so easily influenced that it does matter what people of power have to say because that influences other peoples thoughts. And it’s not right that victims get shamed even more because they don’t have proof.