What is going on with me?


So today in our seminar class we divided up into groups of talkers and listeners. I was on the listener side. Our professor was asking the questions that we had filled in to our groups and I was fine but then stupid me decided to raise my hand and give input on one of things we were discussing. I can’t remember the exact context but it was perception/thoughts about people asking how your weekend went or how you’re doing.

Why did I think it was a good idea to raise my hand and voice my opinion?!? I really don’t know. But I did and said that I don’t think that anyone truly cares how someone’s weekend was or how someone is really feeling and then my teacher asked why? I said because I don’t think that people really care and unless people give you a reason to think otherwise, why would you?

I really need to just keep my mouth shut and quit talking… I want to voice my opinion on things but I always feel like an idiot after I do. I have this problem that in the moment I think something is a great idea and do it and then moments later, I realize how much of an idiot I am. My heart rate goes up, I feel flushed, and nauseated. I literally hate myself sometimes. Looking back, I don’t even know that it made any sense what I said related to the conversation we were having and that in itself irritates me ever more. And of course I get mad at myself and just think that I need to put tape over my mouth.

Feedback from a classmate: What I said didn’t sound dumb. Still can’t help to feel that it was dumb.


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